A nice harem route with: Alissa, Laura, Gia, Soraya, Ash.
LOL.
Eimi
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A member registered Jun 20, 2021
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Played the GxG routes, think I liked Lydia's reconciliation route the most, but Florence and April's routes are pretty good too. <3
Near the end, there's a bit with Arnold/Jeffery and Billie, I think I like the name Jeffery over Arnold :).
There's a few typos but that doesn't detract from the overall good experience. Well done. <3
LOL, another long post ;)
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When the rustling ceases, I blow out a quiet breathe.
When the rustling ceases, I blow out a quiet breath.
Which contridicts the hot flare of pain, coursing through my ankle.
Which contradicts the hot flare of pain, coursing through my ankle.
moving as best I can with the fear still coursing through my vains.
moving as best I can with the fear still coursing through my veins.
Dumped on the side of 31 northbound highway
- Just a technical note here, in the US, the highway number system is generally: US (US route number), State (NY route number), Interstate (I route number). So in this case it would be: NY 31 – which does exist.
Extending it past it's normal range of motion,
Extending it past its normal range of motion,
Manhatten, New York City.
Manhattan, New York City.
- General note, Manhattan is misspelt in other places in the novel, just do a search and replace of “Manhatten” to “Manhattan”.
Equipt with a shiny silver plaque,
Well used and well equipped, with everything that I may need to do my job.
Equipt and Equipped are the same adverb, consistently use one or the other throughout the novel. I think I picked it as a spelling error in ABO, you can ignore me on that. ;)
Cream coloured walls, a file cabinent.
Cream coloured walls, a file cabinet.
in addition to a crystal glass cabinent to complete the look.
in addition to a crystal glass cabinet to complete the look.
Which is currently doing it's diligence of holding up my state of the art computer,
Which is currently doing its diligence of holding up my state of the art computer,
Comes a jovial voice, making it's way closer towards me.
Comes a jovial voice, making its way closer towards me.
Please Select This Character's Gender: Shuri. Shyam.
- Maybe make the gender selection clearer, eg.
Shuri (F). Shyam (M).
"Where did you go anyway?" "Newfield."
- Newfield, NY exists, and looks like highways NY 13, and NY 34 are nearby. Maybe change your earlier reference to NY 31 to 34?
Also a loner workaholic with violent tendecies.
Also a loner workaholic with violent tendencies.
I stand, making my way over to my filing cabinent,
I stand, making my way over to my filing cabinet,
2. "You're snarkiness isn't always for the purpose, of hurting the feelings of others. Somehow, you just always seem to have material ready, for the one's who you think deserve it, that's all."
2. "Your snarkiness isn't always for the purpose, of hurting the feelings of others. Somehow, you just always seem to have material ready, for the one's who you think deserve it, that's all."
Not brought up with you , under any curcumstances.
Not brought up with you , under any circumstances.
when I could be doing literally anythin else. Now
when I could be doing literally anything else. Now
The body of the unconcious man, then floats up into mid-air
The body of the unconscious man, then floats up into mid-air
taking a leasurily stroll through a meadow of flowers?
taking a leisurely stroll through a meadow of flowers?
Upon arriving, we found 4 unconcious teenagers, who are currently within the agency's hospital wing recieving treatment.
Upon arriving, we found 4 unconscious teenagers, who are currently within the agency's hospital wing receiving treatment.
He's definently gonna need to have one to one support
He's definitely gonna need to have one to one support
you have the calm and cool temperment to guide him
you have the calm and cool temperament to guide him
Kace then let's out a soft sigh of resignation.
Kace then lets out a soft sigh of resignation.
With the adolescents without any abilities, currently recieving medical care.
With the adolescents without any abilities, currently receiving medical care.
All that's left to do, is to assign mentorship and enrollment.
- US spelling: enrollment, vs UK spelling: enrolment.
How they feel is irrelevent, they're recklessness got
How they feel is irrelevant, their recklessness got
lowering their inhabitions and using their powers for their own selfish gain.
lowering their inhibitions and using their powers for their own selfish gain.
Pushing open the large, double glass doors of the priscinct
Pushing open the large, double glass doors of the precinct
even chiropodist chairs for overall comfort and so much more.
- Maybe replace chiropodist with podiatry?
Whilst the other swipes through her short, touseld, dark-brown
Whilst the other swipes through her short, tousled, dark-brown
In your character bio, under Reputation:
Which has governed you quite the name within the underground world.
- Maybe garnered is a better word?
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E.
The Thorns of War Update #26 comments · Replied to Blackcross & Taylor in The Thorns of War Update #26 comments